3 Ways Toxic Masculinity Hurts Men

Ever since the Weinstein allegations made headlines, I've been having conversation after conversation about toxic masculinity and the ways it shows up in all our lives. Conversations about toxic masculinity tend to center on how, through men's behavior, the construct hurts women and gender non-conforming people. That should be our focus, given that those groups are disproportionately harmed by it, but it's important that we address another group suffering under the strictures of toxic masculinity: men. 

The Girl Without a Plan

For my entire life, I have been known as the girl with the plan. So you can imagine that when I found myself curled up on the couch last week, contemplating the fact that I had no job, no partner, and, in a few days' time, no place of my own, I panicked. 

That Which Haunts Me

All right, everybody. The time has come for me to exhume some skeletons. It's Halloween, after all. It is a time when we are all a little closer to that which haunts us. I love this time of year, for it is when I feel most prepared to face my fears. And so I am going to dig up the ghost of a relationship which, through its violence, has made me who I am today.

Why Kesha Matters

I woke up with glitter in my bed. There was glitter on my pillow, in my sheets, and strewn about the carpet. I raised my arm to the morning light and it shimmered violently, the result of overindulgent makeup application to my face and body. My hair was blue and purple and red and in a state of impressive messiness, and my legs were sore from dancing. Kesha would be proud. 

Choose Yourself

I have a bad habit of asking for permission. Specifically, I tend to seek approval when I make important decisions about the direction of my life. I have no problem breaking rules and flouting authority in my activism, but when it comes to my personal life, I ask for so much advice that I may as well take a public poll.

National Suicide Prevention Week: My Experience

I have debated for many months about whether to write about this aspect of my mental health. Suicide is such a sensitive topic and requires so much nuance for us to be able to talk about it responsibly, in a way that helps rather than hurts others. That being said, I do not think that we talk about it nearly enough. So, in observance of National Suicide Prevention Week, I will write about my experience. 

Wings

As I write, legs folded into my claustrophobic seat, gazing out at the clouds below, I feel alive. I suppose that since the original purpose of fear is to keep us alive, it makes sense that fear activates a sense of gratitude in me. 

Healing is Not Linear

Healing is not linear. I have attempted to learn this lesson many times in my short life. Despite my best efforts, every so often I am still crushed under the weight of old wounds. I am still somehow always surprised. Recovery is like this. Mental health is like this. And, much as I wish it wasn't true, relationships are like this, too. 

Building Collective Liberation: Tools for White People

We cannot expect the world to change if we do not first change ourselves. So, I have created an extensive (but by no means comprehensive) list of articles, essays, and videos that have helped me face my own racism and work to destroy it. The process of delving into our internalized white supremacy is painful but necessary, and, when done right, ultimately fulfilling. 

Charlottesville Resources

I'm angry. I'm so, so angry. And I'm scared. Chances are you are, too.

So, instead of my usual weekly link roundup, I'm posting a list of Charlottesville resources. They range from educational resources to donation suggestions. Please do what you can, give what you can, and share widely. Do something, and then do another thing, and then keep going and do more. We need you.